


Kataomoi: Blue side

by RunaHikari



Series: Kataomoi [1]
Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Angst, Completed, M/M, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-22 07:18:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12476292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RunaHikari/pseuds/RunaHikari
Summary: Disclaimer : Yuusei MatsuiHe thought that just being by his side as best friend is enough. But despite wishing only for his beloved's happiness, it's tormenting him inside as his jealousy keeps growing. On the other hand, Kayano is confessing her love. What should he choose? Stay loyal at his love, or to move on?





	Kataomoi: Blue side

Akabane Karma and Shiota Nagisa are best friend since middle school days. With various things happened at their third year in middle school, the gap that exist before are now gone. Thanks to a certain yellow octopus, now each of them pursuing their dreams. Even after years passed by, they always keeping in touch, hang out whenever they have spare time between their busy schedule, chatting about works, life and even crushes. Yes, crushes. Nagisa knows that every time the red head deliberately make him drunk is always because of one person, Okuda Manami. Karma always told him about his feelings toward that glassess girl. Why Nagisa knows? Wasn't he drunk when Karma told him about it?

Nagisa is drunk, that is a fact. But he always watching Karma. He always admiring him. From simple admiration changed to something else. He don't know since when it changed. It took him his all to maintain his calm composure whenever Karma around him. Surely he still stuttered a little and holding back his blushing cheeks whenever the red head tease him. But Karma being Karma, he loves to tease him.

"Geez Karma, can you please stop teasing me?" Said Nagisa with slight blush on his cheeks.

"Ahaha sorry, Nagisa but you are too fun to tease" said Karma indicating that he will keep like that.

"Ugh...is it that fun?"

"You know that you are the only one I can tease without holding back" smile Karma then gulping down his beer.

"Only me? Why?" He ask curriously.

"Hmm I wonder why..." Said Karma staring at Nagisa.

Those amber eyes captivating Nagisa. He couldn't help but staring back at those eyes. His hearts pounding like crazy. He know he shouldn't but he anticipating that something will happened between them. Not that Nagisa dare to make a move. He is too scared that their current relationship will be crushed the moment he confess to him. He doesn't want Karma to stay away from him, disgusted at him from harbouring a feelings for him. A man loving a man, one from the same gender. Every time he imagined Karma's reaction when he found out his feelings, his chest tightened, he feel like want to burst crying. It is only a dream that Karma will accept him, both his love for him and his orientation. It will be nice if Karma accept him as he is without distancing himself from him after he knows it, even if he reject his feelings. But Nagisa's heart will be crushed to pieces if Karma avoiding him. Thus why Nagisa is content with their relationship right now. He thought that it will always be like this, just being friends.

"Oi~ Nagisa?" Karma waving his hand in front of Nagisa's face.

Nagisa blinked, "wha what?" He stuttered realising their close distance.

"Don't what me. You are spacing out"

"Ah sorry"

"What is it to make you spacing out like that?"

"Ah its nothing" said Nagisa waving his hands, smiling wryly.

"Hmm~"

Karma's gaze fixed at him, make him nervous.

"Its...its nothing really...ugh...umm...I just thinking that it will be nice to stay like this..."

"Well that's true but isn't it boring?"

"Boring?"

For a moment Nagisa's heart stopped.

"Isn't it nice to fish once in a while? Now that I recall it, it has been a while, huh" grinned Karma mischievously.

"Ah! Wait, Karma! Shouldn't you stop that? We are grown adults now" said Nagisa knowing what he means.

"Come on just a little bit of nostalgia"

"No! Definitely no! Besides you will use me as bait, won't you?" Said Nagisa crossing his arms like an X symbol as a gesture of no.

"Aww come on,Nagisa" Karma circled his arms around Nagisa's neck, hugging him.

"No means no!"

"Come on, for old time sake" Karma poking his cheeks with his index finger.

"I said no" Nagisa puffing his cheeks.

Karma sigh letting him go.

"Can't help it then. Well this should still works" he said looking through his phone and showed it to Nagisa.

Nagisa's face immediately blushed when he saw it. It was a photo of him in girl's clothes on summer when 3-E students went to kill Koro-sensei and end up in a mission to recover antidote to save their friends.

"Why you still keep that? Delete it!" Said Nagisa, trying to snatch Karma's smartphone.

"No way~" Kama stick out his tongue in teasing manner, raising his hand high up so Nagisa couldn't take his phone.

Then Nagisa jumping around trying to reach it while Karma laughing at the desperate blue head. With their height difference, there is no way Nagisa could snatch his phone. The poor blue head end up gasping out of breath with flustered face. Though it annoyed him, Nagisa wished that days like this will go on.

° ° °

Nagisa froze on the spot. Before him was Karma kissing Okuda. He was on the way home when he saw Karma. The young burreaucrat was walking with the scientist. They laugh and chatting happily. When Nagisa about to call them, he saw Karma slowly leaned closer to the braided woman. His eyes widened as he saw they kissed. Karma smile as he saw Okuda blushing shyly. Pain stabbing at Nagisa's chest. His hand that was about to call them, fall on his side. His feet slowly backed away. Tears found its way down to his cheeks. Nagisa turned around and run not caring for bumping into the passerby. He knows that day like this will come but still it pained him. No matter how many times he told himself that it will be fine, its not alright at all. His hearts feels like being ripped apart. He couldn't hold back his tears. He don't know since when he arrived at home. That night he cried to his heart content until he got tired and fall asleep without changing his clothes.

"Nagisa, I am going out with Manami" announce Karma.

"Ah, congratulation, Karma" said Nagisa giving his [usual smile].

"Thanks" said Karma.

"Manami? I see so they are calling with each other's name" thought Nagisa, another pain stabbing his chest.

"Hey, what about we going out to celebrate?" Offer Karma.

"Ah, sorry but I can't besides wouldn't it better for you two to celebrate it?" Reject Nagisa.

"Ah well that is...the truth is when I ask her out I was too happy when she agreed and kissed her on the spot. After that it becomes awkward" explain Karma.

"...you want me to intermediate?"

"Uh well with you around I think it will be less awkward"

"Maybe but Karma its your date and there is no way I will come between you two. Its weird to bring a friend on your date. I don't want to be kicked by a horse you know"

"You are right. Then do you know which restaurant served the best food? What do you think she like?" Ask Karma seemed couldn't calm down.

"Geez Karma, calm down. Just planned it like usual"

"Like usual? Its my first date with Manami! Like hell I want it to be usual! I want it to be special!" Karma snapped, startling the young teacher.

"Special" that word alone is a prove that Okuda Manami is have a special place in Karma's heart. That one word make a pang on Nagisa's heart.

"Sorry, Karma, I didn't mean that. I just..."

"Just what? You don't have someone special to you. There is no way you will understand how I feel" cut Karma.

"......yeah, you are right. There is no way I will understand because I will never be special for that person like Okuda-san for you" said Nagisa, looking down at his lap, clenching his pants.

Envy grow within him. Why he is born as male? If only he is born as a girl, he have chance to be with Karma. Being treated as a special existence to him. One who get special place in his heart. Openly confessing his feelings without being worried what people might say nor of being disgusted by the one he love the most.

"Nagi..."

"I am sorry, Karma, I guess you had better ask about this to Maehara. I am sure he will give better answer"said Nagisa with a wry smile.

Then Nagisa excuse himself saying he need to giving marks his student's tests and walk away. Later that night when Nagisa was laying down on the bed trying to get sleep, Karma called.

"Nagisa, sorry about what I said..."

"Its alright,Karma"

"......"

"......"

"Umm about what you said... You never told me. Who is this lucky woman? Do I know her?"

"Woman? What are you...ah! That!"

Nagisa almost forget their previous conversation.

"......"

"No, you don't know her but at the same time you know this person" answer Nagisa ambiguously.

"Huh? What's that? Sounds like a riddle"

Nagisa chuckled,"is it?"

"Is she a good woman? How does she looks like?" Ask Karma curriously.

"Hmm its hard to describe with good or bad. But the one I love wouldn't do anything without good reasons. This person can be evil to achieve the goal but that person never do it for injustice. That person also attractive. One that out of my league"

"That sounds troublesome. I didn't expect that is your type"

Nagisa chuckled.

"Is that so? Honestly I didn't expect it too. That person is strong, smart, can do anything that I can't, someone that I admired..." Said Nagisa fondly.

"Don't tell me its Koro-sensei"

"Huh?"

"Well, didn't you admire him? The only one who fit your description is Koro-sensei"

"Karma..." Sigh Nagisa in defeat.

"What?"

"No, its nothing"

"So is it Koro-sensei?"

"What if its him?"

"......you are...serious?"

"...what do you think, Karma?"

"......Nagisa, he is gone"

"Yeah, I know"

"Even if he is here, both of you are men"

"I know"

"...Nagisa......"

"I know that but its just... when I realise it I already in love with that person. It is an impossible love. I am aware of it "

"......"

" Ah but I am trying to move on now. It is hard but I am trying it"

"Is that so..."

"Yeah..."

"I will try to forget you" add Nagisa in his mind.

After the call ended, Nagisa laid to his sides. Tears dripped down quietly as he stared at his phone. There is a picture of Karma and him when they hang out just both of them.

"Karma..." He whispered

Nagisa closed his eyes and let sleep take him away.

° ° °

"I love you, Nagisa"

"Huh?"

Blue haired young man and a black haired young woman standing on the street.

"I have always been in love with you, Nagisa" said the young woman, blushing.

"Eh? Love...me...?"

Nagisa couldn't comprehend what she said, shock is clearly writen on his face.

"Ah but I..."

"Love someone else?"

"Ye yeah..."

"I know it. I have been watching you so I know it, Nagisa"

"Sorry, Kayano, I can't..."

"You can try to going out with me"

"Huh?"

"You want to forget him, right? Then go out with me. I will make you forget him"

"...but it is not fair for you, to use you like that..."

"Its alright. You can use me however you like it if it can make you forget about him"

"But Kayano..."

"Its alright, Nagisa. I just don't want to see you suffer more than this that's why let me help you" she said holding both of Nagisa's hands.

Nagisa stay quiet for a while, closing his eyes. For him Kayano has been a close friend of his. She had help him with his insecurity about his hair in middle school by giving him pigtails hairstyle but he never have romantic feelings for her.

"Please give me a chance, Nagisa. I am sure as the time goes by you will forget him and love me eventually"

"......alright"

Nagisa finally agree.

° ° °

"Nagisa, are you free this Friday? Want to hang out?" Ask Karma one day.

"Ah, sorry, Karma. I have promise with Akari"

"Akari? Ah, you mean Kayano?" He ask, finally remember whose name it is.

"Yeah"

"Hmm~ you two seems closer these days. Are you two dating?" Ask Karma in teasing tone.

"Eh? Ah, yeah" answer Nagisa with light pink dusting his cheeks.

He never tell Karma about his relationship with Akari or the one they mostly known as Kayano during middle school days.

"Hmm~ what's this? We are friends, aren't we? Then why you never tell me?"

"Sorry,Karma. We are being busy with our jobs lately and barely have time to caught up" reason Nagisa.

"That's right but despite that I do tell you about Manami, didn't I? Aren't you being unfair here?"

"N no, that's not..."

"Or is it only me who think that we are friend?"

The gaze Karma sent to Nagisa make him shiver. He knows this gaze. That one time when they have fight for the first time Karma also giving him that look.

"That was not the case, Karma. I also think of you as friend but...its just...I don't know how should I tell it to you..." Said Nagisa.

"What? You can just say it casually you know"

"I...I can't say it just like that. I am not you, Karma besides...won't you tease me when you know it?" He said

Karma give him a blank look then it quickly change into a mischievous grin.

"Of course I will!" He exclaimed.

"That is why I hesitate"

"No no no, at times like this you should should announce it "Karma, I am going out with Akari" with blushing cheeks while standing and looking at me straight on the eye. Then people around us gathered their attention to you" said Karma.

"Wha! There is no way I will do that!" Shout Nagisa with embarrassed face.

Karma laugh. Nagisa noticed that he attracting attention and shrunk.

"So how far you have been going with her?" Ask Karma with a grinning face.

"Umm...well...that is..." Nagisa playing with his fingers, looking down at his own lap with flustered face.

"Hmm? What? Could it be you have sleep with her?" Guess Karma half joking.

With a poof Nagisa's face turn as red as boiled crab.

"........."

"Eh? Seriously?"

Nagisa nod shyly.

"Nagisa, I never thought that you are a pervert. I guess you really are a man" said Karma with straight face.

"Wha what do you mean with that!? Of course I am a man!"

Then at home,in his room...

Nagisa lie down on his bed. His hand placed atop his forehead. His top button has been undone. He look at the ceiling and sigh.

"He sounds happy hearing about Akari and me"

Then he recalled the time whenever Manami join them when they hang out. The scientist have grown to be a pretty woman. Her dark brown hair that used to be in twin braid no tied in single braid. She still wears glassess though occasionally she wear eye contact lenses, Nagisa guess that it must be for Karma. After all every girl wants to be called pretty by the one they love. Together they look suit each other. Nagisa's chest thightened again at the thought.

"No, you can't,Nagisa. You have Akari now. Forget him, Nagisa"

Nagisa closed his eyes, burrying  his love for the young burreaucrat.

° ° °

"Nagisa, here" said Karma happily, handing him an envelope.

"What is this?"

Nagisa recieve it and read the letter on it. There the words written beautifully with big size "Karma & Manami". Nagisa stood in shock.

"Karma, this is..."

"Yep, I am getting married" he smiled.

"Married......"

"Surprised?"

"Ah...ye yeah... I am..."

"Its rare to see your shocked expresion so I guess its worth it to deliver it myself then"

"Ah...yeah indeed. You got me,Karma. Congrats. I am happy for you"

"Thanks"

"Well then I want to chat more but I still need to send these invitation so see you, Nagisa"

"Yeah, see you" smile Nagisa.

After Karma's figure can't be seen, the smile on his face slowly gone.

"Did I smile properly? He didn't notice, did he?" Thought Nagisa.

Tears make its way out from his blue eyes. Sadness and pain that has been welling up in his chest overtook him.

° ° °

"What is it, Nagisa?" Ask his lover noticing his odd behaviour.

"Akari, I..."

Nagisa hesitate to say it. What he about to say will hurt her and he know it. He aware of it but he must say it or he will just hurt her more than he already is.

"......Karma will get married,right?"

"Ah, yeah"

"I wonder what should I wear for his and Manami's wedding"

Akari and Manami start to call each other by their given name lately. Since they dating two best friends, they sometimes have double dates.

"...Akari, listen I..." Nagisa clenched his hands on his lap.

Then a pair of hands hold him gently. When Nagisa look up, he see Akari smile at him.

"I am sorry, Akari. I am sorry... In the end even now I still love him. I am sorry"

"......don't apologise, Nagisa. When I confess to you that day I am aware that this might happen but still I went and did it"

"But...I..."

"You are a kind person, Nagisa. And I take advantage of your kindness. That is why you do not need to apologise" she hug him.

"No, I am not kind. I am a horrible person. If I am kind, I won't going out with you, giving you false hope"

"No, it is I who force you to. I decide to hold onto a thread no matter how thin it is"

"No, if I were to blame you, it will be unfair for you. After all I even did those stuff to you despite loving another person" said Nagisa, broke the hug.

"Ah, but I don't mind that, you know" said Akari lightly.

"Huh?"

"I may not get your heart but at least I get your first time"

"Eh?"

"Since Bitch-sensei gave you high credits for indiscriminate French kiss, I expect that you will be great on bed but unexpectedly you are gentle. Or is it because you are holding back?" tease Akari.

"Wha what are you saying!?" Nagisa blushing.

"But it is the truth,isn't it? Don't you think I didn't notice it,Nagisa. After all I have always been watching you. I have always in love with you since middle school" smile Akari.

"......Akari..."

"No, please don't apologise. Just remember, Nagisa, that you are the first man that stole the first rate actress Haruna Mase's heart. You should be proud, Nagisa" she grinned.

"...you are a strong woman. I should learn from you"

"Yes, you should" she said proudly.

"Pfft"

Then they burst into laughter.

"So Nagisa will you come to their wedding?"

"Yes, I will. They will notice it if I didn't come"

"You don't plan to confess to him?"

Nagisa shake his head,"no".

"But Nagisa..."

"Its fine. It is better this way"

"But..."

"Its fine, Akari. It is fine"

Akari sigh,"then will you attend it with me? I happen don't have a partner to go with".

"Sure, I am honoured"

° ° °

In a grand church a groom and a bride witnesses by their family and friends vowing to the God. Among them a blue haired young man sit there.

"Now you may kiss the bride" said the priest.

Red haired young man in white tuxedo opened the veil of his bride. Today, on this special occasion, the bride wear contact lense instead of glasses that she usually wear. Her dark brown hair bundled up neatly with a tiara on top her head. Red lipstick applied to her lips. Slight blush on her white cheeks. Happiness oozing out from her body. Slowly they leaned closer and their lips meet. Cheers and applause filling the church.

The newlyweds walking out of the church. Church bell chimed loudly, confetti and flower petals showering them. Friends and coworkers congratulate them. Among them, blue haired young man also give his blessing to his bestfriend. The crowds cheer encouraging them to kiss again and they this. Karma kiss Manami passionately. Nagisa's smile mask fall as his heart couldn't take it anymore. He slipped away from the crowds and run away.

Akari noticed it and chase after him.

"Nagisa"

Nagisa didn't stop. He run while crying his heart out. His heart crushed to pieces. He couldn't see from his blurry eyes. But he still run. He want to get away from here.

"Nagisa,wait"

He ignore the call and run to the street. A truck come, the driver sleepy from the long driving. He didn't see a person running on the street. Traffic light glaring red at him but the driver too sleepy to noticed it. Then loud scream filled the air. The last this Nagisa know is Akari cried beside him. Their friends who attended the wedding come rushing to him. He couldn't make who is who with his dazed state. Only one figure he can see clearly. His beloved red haired young man hold him in his arms. His white tuxedo stained red. His amber eyes shocked. His name called again and again by those lips that just vowed his eternal love to his bride. With the little strength left Nagisa raised his hand to touch Karma's cheeks. This may be his last chance to say it. Those words that always stuck on his throat.

"Kar...ma...I...lo...ve..."

The last words gone as Nagisa breath his last breath away.

**Author's Note:**

> Note :  
> \- Yukimura Akari = Kayano's real name.  
> \- Haruna Mase = Kayano's stage name


End file.
